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egos getting in the way…

all of a sudden i found myself in a deep conversation about basic human existence… it started off as a chat about eating a raw vegan diet and how admirable (and nearly impossible) it is… the conversation took many tangents and ended up in the realm of why the hell we are here and how have we (humans) have lost touch with reality… it was reassuring to know that someone else sees a lot of the world’s problems stemming from similar areas as i do…

we talked about egos… we talked about purpose… we talked about appearance… we talked about power… we talked about cycles… all of these things (as well as many others) coincide with one another to create the organized chaos that we live in to this day…

a topic that relates to skateboarding and that i commented with thoughts about skateboarding was about appearance… while my counterpart was talking about how people judge and create a reality about you for themselves depending on what you wear (suit and tie, jeans and t-shirt, nude), i spoke about how being a skateboarder means you look a certain way… we all know the different styles that you can dress as to be a skateboarder (hip hop, hesh, punk, hardcore, model, vert jock, etc.)… some people really care about how they look when they go skateboarding… sometimes they get confidence from wearing a certain shirt with shoes or pants with hat… i get that… Jerry Rice always said, “if you look good, you play good”… i get that… but when did looking good on a skateboard ever matter? when did looking good in everyday society start to really matter? when did skateboarding start giving a fuck? this bums me out… i look like shit (according to everyone else) all the time, but i am comfortable… what does this mean? in an uncomfortable world, i choose comfort… people might think i am a slob or lazy, but they don’t know a damn thing…

how we perceive ourselves is always different from how others perceive us… but we continue to put on our costumes and play our role in society… we don’t think twice about waking up and putting on a suit or work clothes to look like we are important… we know deep, deep down that we are not… but we never question what we do, until we need to… we just do it… our egos get in the way of what is real… we have no choice though… the world we live in forces the ego to grow and believe in itself…

we live life as we are raised… we don’t have a choice to not be like our parents or our guardians because that is who taught us to live… sometimes these thoughts need to be suppressed because you considered these thoughts much too late in life and you have a family you are accountable for/to… i respect that… it is part of the system we live in…

i have a morbid view on reality and keep it to myself… all i can say is that i am acquiring more reasons to have a purpose… my purpose is not to grow and fill my ego, but to give everything i have to the people i care about… i don’t want my name on anything… i don’t always do things to fulfill myself… i try to be an example and inspire people is all…

i want to be a ghost in this world except to the important people in my life… in my reality… i am accountable to them.

peace and noLove…