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staying level…

i have been thinking a lot lately about how life throws a ton of ups and downs at each of us all the time… we always react differently to similar situations because we are all different people… certain things affect us more or less than it would affect other people… we each have a different perspective of everything…

i have realized lately that i have an uncontrollable reaction to good and bad things that happen to myself (and sometimes the people that are close to me)… whenever something bad happens, i look at the situation and take the good from it… i see that something bad happened, but something good always comes from it… when you really do get fucked over, at the very least i think, “well, at least i know not to do that next time”… when bad things happen to other people, i try to point out the good that came of it as well…

on the contrary, when something good happens to me, i think about how it could have been better… or how it could have been different… or how it could have negatively affected someone else… or how i can repeat the success more easily… when something good happens to a close friend, i make sure to ground them as quickly as possible… i cannot control these reactions…

i have this innate reaction to never let myself get too high or too low… of course highs and lows happen here and there, but i have found the most happiness in equilibrium… i don’t like being too happy or too sad… is that a fucked up thing to say? does this make me emotionless? there just doesn’t seem to be a reason to be at one extreme or the other at any time…

with extreme happiness comes extreme sadness, right? if you neither feel one or the other, then what do you feel?

peace and noLove…

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